My dear colleagues and friends, dear neighbors, dear sisters and brothers in faith, my dear community,

“Indeed, to God do we belong and indeed to Him is our return,” (Qur’an 2:156)

As many of you know by now, our beautiful daughter Meryem has returned to our Creator on December 2, 2022 – ten days before her fourth birthday. She was tragically killed by a trailer-truck that had rear-ended our car. That evening my two daughters and I wanted to spend time at a friend’s house who lives only 15 minutes away. The GPS showed me we had only five minutes left to get there – but we never arrived. Meryem died that same night after medical staff tried to resuscitate her for over an hour. Elif and myself were also rushed to the hospital. She had a brain concussion and was in critical condition. I had two fractures in my spine. Legal investigation is still ongoing.

Regardless of the apparent circumstances, the Qur’an reminds me over and over as a devout Muslim that God is the One and Only who gives life and creates death as stated here and in many other passages, “He is the One Who created death and life in order to test which of you is best in deeds. And He is the Almighty, All-Forgiving,” (Qur’an 67:2).

God has given her and only He has the power to take her. I don’t know the reasons why Meryem had to leave so soon but I have ultimate trust in His expansive compassion and wisdom. Most certainly, there are trillions, endless wisdoms for her early departure as there are endless elements involved in the creation of a human being. I humbly acknowledge that my capacity to understand is extremely limited. As the Qur’an states, “You may dislike something although it is good for you, or like something although it is bad for you: God knows and you do not”, (Qur’an 2:216).

For Muslims, death is not a punishment nor a random event. It is created, designed and willed by God’s wisdom and power alone. While we do not glorify death, we affirm that death is ordained by God and cannot be escaped, “When their specified time arrives, they cannot delay it for a single hour nor can they bring it forward,” (Qur’an 16:61). Our patience and surrender in His divine decree will be rewarded. We miss Meryem every day but I am at peace and content with God’s plan. I find comfort and solace in my Lord’s promise of eternal and joyous reunion as one of many Prophetic traditions narrates, 

“The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

When a person’s child dies, God says to His angels, ‘You have taken the child of My servant.’ 

They say, ‘Yes.’ 

He says, ‘You have taken the fruit of his heart.’ 

They say, ‘Yes.’

He says, ‘What did My servant say?’

They say, ‘He praised you and said “Indeed, to God we belong and indeed, unto Him is our return.’

God says, ‘Build for My servant a house in Paradise and call it the House of Praise.’” (Hadith Al-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has witnessed the death of his own six children – three died during infancy and three died during young adulthood. When his son Ibrahim died at 18 months he – a grieving father – said these words that provided me consolation,

As Ibrahim surrendered to death, Prophet Muhammad’s hope which had consoled him for a brief while completely crumbled. With tears in his eyes he talked once more to the dead child: “O Ibrahim, were the truth not certain that the last of us will join the first, we would have mourned you even more than we do now.” A moment later he said: “The eyes send their tears and the heart is saddened, but we do not say anything except that which pleases our Lord. Indeed, O Ibrahim, we are bereaved by your departure from us. (Sahih Bukhari)

It is hard to believe that it is almost going to be a year since Meryem’s death. The physical injuries have mostly healed even though I do suffer from chronic back pain now. We are very grateful to God that Elif is healthy and thriving. Needless to say that the emotional pain is one you endure for a lifetime. As one grieving parent wrote to me, “You never get over it. You just learn to live with it.” The constant heartache, the sweet sadness, the yearning and holy longing for our beautiful Meryem – all these feelings we have come to accept as part of our lives now. Meryem left a giant void that can never be filled and that is alright. I am so grateful to God that He allowed me to be in her life and experience her love that will last forever. As a grieving mother and a Muslim scholar, I continue to reflect on the meaning of death and dying. I have shared my theological reflections publicly on this podcast and I am grateful to God that some parents were able to find some light through my own pain. 

One father’s words moved me particularly to tears: “Our firstborn child was born with an undiagnosed heart defect and returned to our Creator just three weeks after his birth. Therefore your lecture series was all the more valuable for us during this difficult time. We followed all parts with great attention and were able to draw a lot of energy and strength from them.”

Salih has also finished his book on God, Evil and Suffering in Islam (Cambridge University, Press 2023). He never imagined that one day he will experience the most distressing pain and suffering for a parent – the death of your own child. Our hope and prayer is that the work and sharing we are doing will help others to find meaning and purpose in their own pain and perhaps comfort in knowing that they are not alone.

As a family we are grateful that God is blessing us with enough patience and strength to walk this painful path. We have returned to our work and are learning to live with this new reality. We are grateful for a wonderful community through which God sends us His compassion and mercy. 

This is why I wanted to reach out to you and take a moment to express my gratitude to each of you – near and far – who have supported us during this painful time. Forgive me for this generic letter but I needed to say how much everything has meant to us. We were speechless by the outpouring of love, care and help we have received. The prayers, the tears, the hugs, the visits, the messages, the letters, the calls, the flowers, the meal train, the gifts – all of it, every single gesture has meant the world to us. It was a lifesaver. I am unable to describe the amazing love, compassion, kindness that we experienced. I pray that I can share that love and kindness with others who are in need. I hope I will be able to serve them in a meaningful way and make their burdens equally lighter. 

From the bottom of my heart – Thank you! May God bless you and your loved ones. May God comfort the hearts of those who are hurting and experience hardship. May He give you peace. May He grant you the best of this life and the life to come.

Many of you attended Meryem’s funeral for which I will be forever grateful. As a mother, it has meant the world to me because of my injuries I could not be present myself. There is no denying that pain, suffering and evil exist in the world – but they do not have the last word. While I was watching the funeral service take place from my hospital bed, I could not help but be in awe of the beauty of what I was witnessing. Meryem was surrounded by people who were shedding tears for her, expressing their sadness, raising their hands in prayer for a better future yet to come. There was so much love around her. Children embody so much that we cherish – innocence, purity, kindness and unconditional love and forgiveness. Meryem continues to teach me fundamental lessons about the meaning of life. She loved and was loved. She left indelible imprints in our lives. She lived a life full of meaning and beauty. She returned to our Creator pure, at peace and whole. The last time I was able to see her, touch and comb her beautiful golden hair and kissed her for a final goodbye her face was radiant, full of serenity and peace. When she appeared to her father in his dream and was asked why she is not visiting us anymore, she only replied with the word: “Al-Jannah, al-jannah (Paradise, paradise)!” Many other dreams followed and gave us good news about her happiness in the hereafter. For us as Muslims, dreams are a channel to the dimension of the afterlife and give us enough comfort and consolation.

Meryem belonged to Him all along and returned home. Indeed, we all belong to God and indeed to Him is our return – He is our home. He is the ultimate source of beauty, goodness, peace and compassion.

Finally, I will leave you with the words of Muslim theologian Bediüzzaman Said Nursi, whose piety and devotion has deeply informed my own spirituality and given me strength in times of hardship:

O human being! Do you know where you are going and where you are being driven? As is stated at the end of the Thirty-Second Word, a thousand years of happy life in this world cannot be compared to one hour of life in Paradise. And a thousand years of life in Paradise cannot be compared to one hour’s vision of the sheer loveliness of the Beauteous One of Glory. You are going to the realm of His mercy, and to His presence.

The loveliness and beauty in all the creatures of this world and in those worldly beloveds by which you are so stricken and obsessed and for which you are so desirous, are but a sort of shadow of the manifestation of His beauty and of the loveliness of His names; and all Paradise with all of its subtle wonders, a single manifestation of His mercy; and all longing and love and allurement and captivation, but a flash of the love of the Eternal Worshipful One and Everlasting Beloved. You are going to the sphere of His presence. You are being summoned to Paradise, which is an eternal feasting place. Since this is so, you should enter the grave not weeping, but smiling in expectation.

The phrase announces this good news as well: O human being! Do not be apprehensive, imagining that you are going to extinction, non-existence, nothingness, darkness, oblivion, decay, and dissolution, and that you will drown in multiplicity. You are going not to extinction, but to permanence. You are being impelled not to non-existence, but to perpetual existence. You are going to enter not darkness, but the world of light. And you are returning to your true owner, to the seat of the Pre-Eternal Monarch. You will not drown in multiplicity, you will take your rest in the realm of unity. You are bound not for separation, but for union.”

Lastly, for those who experience a bittersweet holy longing for their departed loved ones, or a yearning for something better, a better future, here is a song I dedicate to you. It reminds me of my sweet Meryem whom I always called my “Golden Girl” because of her beautiful light hair…

May God’s peace and light surround you…

In deep gratitude,

Zeyneb, Salih and Elif 

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